😂 Water Doesn't Flow Uphill & Other Stellenbosch Problems

There are two types of people in Stellenbosch.

Those who have renovated a house.

And those who still have hope.

It doesn't seem to matter who you hire. You can get Bakkie Builders, where the entire company arrives in a 1998 Isuzu with one ladder and a Checkers packet full of tools. Or you can hire MasterBuild Elite Construction (Pty) Ltd, with branded shirts, a quantity surveyor, a project manager and a quotation that requires financing.

Somehow, by week three, you're having exactly the same conversation:

"Guys... water doesn't flow uphill."

We're currently redoing our shower floor.

For the third time.

Apparently the concept of water travelling towards a drain remains one of the great unsolved mysteries of the South African construction industry.

Then there's the spirit level.

Builders own spirit levels. I've seen them. They arrive with them. They carry them around. Sometimes they even place them against things.

What happens after that is unclear.

Because you'll walk into the bathroom and immediately notice that the tiles are running downhill towards Paarl.

"Is that straight?"

"Yes, boss."

You fetch the spirit level.

The bubble is practically trying to escape out the side.

Then comes the most important lesson anyone renovating a house will ever learn:

CHECK. EVERYTHING.

Check the plugs. Check the tiles. Check the doors. Check the taps. Check which way the shower water runs. Check that the toilet isn't facing the passage. Check that the light switch actually operates the light in the same room.

Because if you don't check something today, tomorrow it will be tiled over.

And removing it will apparently cost extra.

The strange thing is, when it's eventually finished, you'll stand there looking at your beautiful renovated home and say:

"Never again."

Then six months later you'll drive past a slightly run-down house in Stellenbosch and think...

"You know, that place has potential."

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Parenting has changed.

When I was a kid, we drank Oros like it was Valpré.

Not weak Oros either.

Proper orange.

The kind where your mom poured the concentrate into the jug, added a suggestion of water and sent you outside for six hours.

Nobody was reading the ingredients.

Sugar? Obviously.

Colourants? Excellent.

Preservatives? Preserving us for what, nobody knew.

MSG? Sprinkle it on.

Then we'd eat a bowl of brightly coloured cereal containing enough sugar to power a small municipality and wash it down with another glass of Oros.

And our parents weren't bad parents.

That was just normal.

Fast-forward to parenting today and things have changed considerably.

Now we're standing in Woolies reading the back of a yoghurt like we're conducting a forensic audit.

"TWELVE GRAMS OF SUGAR?! Put it back."

Our kids walk around voluntarily drinking water.

They eat cucumber.

Cherry tomatoes.

Blueberries.

Things we considered garnish in the 90s.

Sugar is carefully controlled.

"You can have something sweet. It's Josh's birthday on Saturday."

Saturday arrives and the child sees a bowl of Astros like they've just been released from prison.

Even their drinks have changed.

Our generation had Oros.

Today's Stellenbosch child is wandering around drinking Happy Culture kombucha.

Imagine handing eight-year-old you a kombucha.

"Here you go, James. It's fermented tea with live cultures."

I'd have reported my parents to the police.

And yet we've somehow come full circle.

Because while we're obsessively checking the sugar content of our children's snacks, we're standing in the kitchen at 9pm eating chocolate directly out of the cupboard so they don't see us.

"Daddy, what are you eating?"

"Nothing. Go back to bed."

Maybe parenting hasn't changed that much after all.

We've just replaced Oros with kombucha and become much better at hiding the sweets.

We hear a lot about starting a business.

Come up with an idea. Build a website. Find customers. Spend money on marketing. Make a few mistakes. Change the idea. Spend some more money. Eventually discover whether anyone actually wants what you're selling.

But there's another route to entrepreneurship that we don't talk about nearly enough:

Don't start a business. Buy one.

There are thousands of small businesses quietly operating around South Africa that already have customers, staff, equipment, suppliers, a phone number that rings and, most importantly, a track record.

Think about a small cleaning company. A laundromat. A printing business. A garden service. A little online store. A plumbing business. A signage company. A guesthouse. A niche manufacturer.

They might not be sexy.

Nobody is going to invite you onto a podcast to explain how you're "disrupting the laundromat industry with AI".

But if it's been operating for 12 years, has loyal customers and consistently makes money, that's interesting.

When you start from zero, you're making a bet:

"I think this will work."

When you buy an existing business, you can ask:

"Show me that it already works."

You can look at the bank statements. Sales history. Expenses. Customers. Google reviews. Equipment. Staff. Profit.

And then ask an even more interesting question:

Could I make this business better?

Maybe the previous owner never advertised properly. Maybe the website was built in 2009. Maybe nobody answers WhatsApps after 4pm. Maybe they've never used Google Ads. Maybe the owner is simply tired and wants to retire.

Suddenly you aren't trying to invent the next big thing.

You're taking something that already works and trying to make it work 20% better.

Obviously, buying a business comes with its own risks. A profitable-looking business can be a disaster if you don't understand what you're buying.

But I think more people should at least know that this option exists.

You don't necessarily need the million-rand idea.

Sometimes you need to find the boring little business that's been quietly making money for the last 15 years.

I'm curious how many people reading this have ever seriously considered buying a small business instead of starting one.

If the idea interests you, reply to this email and just write "business".

Here’s something worth paying attention to.

Stellenbosch Hospice has had significant funding cuts this year and is having to find new ways to raise money just to keep doing the work it does in our community.

And this isn't some distant organisation most of us will never encounter.

Hospice currently has a 12-bed ward and its home-care nurses provide 24/7 support to 89 patients around Stellenbosch. While the Department of Health and Wellness partially funds the beds, their home-based palliative care is funded entirely through private donations.

That means keeping nurses on the road, fuel in the cars and people available to help families during what are often the hardest days of their lives.

They're now looking at more community fundraising, including walks, high teas and smaller initiatives that make it easier for ordinary Stellenbosch residents to get involved.

You don't need to donate thousands either. They accept monetary donations, but also simple things like soap, toilet paper and arts-and-crafts supplies.

Make a difference here

Just when you thought Stellenbosch had surely reached its legal limit of ridiculously nice places to eat, another one opens.

Simonsig Family Vineyards has opened Vonkel, a brand-new restaurant next to its tasting room, with a Mediterranean-inspired menu, wood-fired Neapolitan-style pizzas, homemade pasta and, obviously, plenty of bubbles.

And they've taken the pizza rather seriously. The dough gets a 36-hour sourdough fermentation, then gets hand-stretched and thrown into a wood-fired oven. Ingredients include San Marzano tomatoes, locally made burrata and mozzarella, imported Italian 00 flour and Simonsig's own olive oil.

They're open from 9am for brunch, where you'll find everything from banana bread with espresso butter to a rather outrageous crayfish brioche roll with scrambled eggs and Cap Classique beurre blanc. From noon it's pizzas, homemade pasta, burgers, salads and sharing plates.

But here's something we particularly like: the wine prices.

Instead of the usual restaurant ritual where a R150 bottle of wine mysteriously becomes R390 because someone carried it 14 metres from the cellar, Vonkel charges just R30 above cellar-door price per bottle and R10 extra per glass.

Now THAT is the kind of inflation policy Stellenbosch Brief can get behind.

Address: Simonsig Family Vineyards, Kromme Rhee Road, Stellenbosch
Open: Daily 9am–noon (brunch), noon–5pm (lunch)
Bookings: Via Dineplan, or call 021 888 4915
Find out more: simonsig.co.za

🦠 Your carpet can act like a giant filter. It traps dust, pollen, skin flakes, pet dander, soil and other particles brought in on shoes and feet. Unlike a hard floor, much of it can remain buried deep between the fibres even after regular vacuuming.

Be very careful what you allow into your head.

We are probably the first generation in history carrying a device in our pockets that can feed us an endless stream of things to worry about.

And the scary part is that it learns what keeps you watching.

Watch one video about crime, and you'll be shown another. Spend time reading about a war, political outrage or some terrible event on the other side of the world, and suddenly your feed is full of it.

Before long, you can genuinely start believing the entire world is falling apart.

I'm not suggesting we put our heads in the sand. We should know what's happening around us.

But there is a big difference between being informed and being consumed.

Ask yourself: What am I actually gaining from spending an hour reading about something terrible happening 10,000km away that I have absolutely no control over?

Has it made me a better parent? A better partner? A better friend? Has it improved my life or helped the people around me?

Or has it simply made me angry, anxious or pessimistic?

Your attention is incredibly valuable. Don't hand it over so easily.

Life is short enough already.

Spend more of your attention on the people sitting at your dinner table. Your children. Your friends. Your health. Your community. The work you can actually do. The problems you can actually solve.

Know what's happening in the world.

But don't allow the entire world's problems to live rent-free inside your head.

Protect your inner peace.

That's just my opinion, of course. But I increasingly think that what we choose not to consume may be just as important as what we choose to consume.

Wednesday 🌥️ 18°C / 11°C
A cloudy start, but things improve as the day goes on. Breezy in the afternoon with some sunshine breaking through.

Thursday 🌤️ 19°C / 11°C
Mostly sunny with a bit of wind around. Dry and starting to feel considerably more like spring.

Friday 🌤️ 22°C / 12°C
Partly sunny, pleasant and a little breezy. The kind of day where Stellenbosch collectively remembers why we live here.

Saturday ☀️ 22°C / 14°C
Comfortable, mostly sunny and dry. Braais, wine farms and pretending you have absolutely nothing to do around the house.

Sunday ☀️ 22°C / 12°C
Another cracker. Mostly sunny, mild and very little chance of rain. Spring appears to have finally read the calendar.

As always, thanks for reading. If you spot something in town worth knowing, reply and tell us. Half the best Stellenbosch stories begin that way.

See you around town,
Stellenbosch Brief

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